It’s early October and the weather is still trying to decide whether or not it wants to stay warm or become cool. It seems for the past few weeks however; the weather has chosen the in-between. The rain showers seemed to have stopped and there’s a hint of sun peeking through the dark clouds every so often if the breeze moves in the correct direction. I quickly grab a grey sweater lying on a nearby couch, slide into my rain boots and jump at the chance.
The garden started earlier this spring when J——- suggested it could help take my mind off things. She helped me gather all the materials and helped me set it up. At first it was a chore and I found it more bothersome than helpful. However, once I started doing things myself, it became so much of a routine that I found comfort in it. I had to concentrate on taking good care or else I might have cultivated more negative results in my life.
I reached for a small shovel lying just outside the shed and slid on my gloves while walking towards the white roses. I kneel beside them and support myself on my hands. I close my eyes and inhale. The air is still cold and gravity grabs hold of me and my hands begin to sink into the soft mud beneath. First my palms and fingers, then my wrist, then the forearm…
—
The other night I could’ve sworn I had a dream about you, though I’ve never met you in real life.
You were sitting on the stoop of my apartment building; cigarette in hand, knees shaking. We made eye contact as I walked up to the door, and you asked if I had another, pointing with your cigarette. I did. I took it out of my jacket pocket, opened the pack and handed you one. You said a quick thanks, turned and lit it with your own. As I was about to walk into the building, I changed my mind and turned around. I sat down beside you and lit a cigarette myself. I inhaled deeply, turned to you and asked, “What’s wrong?” That’s when I realize it seems you’ve been crying.
And that was the end of it. Never learned your name or where you came from, but that didn’t really seem to matter.
I hope all is all right with you.
© estalement 2009
